I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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