Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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