my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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