I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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