Kiss
Puke
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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