I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
