No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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