it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
