you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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