I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I licked your asshole in confidence.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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