Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My ass is underappreciated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
