i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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