I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
