She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
