Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
