im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
