i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
