sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
