So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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