Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
