I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
