your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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