Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
