He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize