you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
