he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
