i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
