apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
