good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
