Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just had sex bonerless
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
