wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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