he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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