remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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