Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was CRYING into my vagina
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
