I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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