And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
