Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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