His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
