I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
