I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
