i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
