I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
