you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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