Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
