There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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