Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
