Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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