if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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