did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
