this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
