Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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